We are in the throes of packing up the apartment for storage. The sound of our voices echo off the bare walls. My son, Chad says it isn’t a home anymore. While we put on our smiles everyday before greeting each other, this self imposed limbo is taking it’s toll on each of us. Neither of us want to say to anyone or each other how much this feels like loss with the associated heartache. The true friends don’t say, “how ridiculous, you are going to Italy, be happy!” The ones who keep it real understand that there are requisite good by’s to say and much to let go before embracing the new. These real ones are my mirrors at moments when it becomes too much and my forehead touches the floor.
Those floor touching moments are so grounding. The moment of release, when our ego/will succumbs to the emotional moment and for a split second all is completely lost and found. The yogi’s seek it out on the mat. The Buddhist monks put forehead to floor daily in prayer. For me it is a battle of gravity. I will hold my head up, I will not bow down to my fears and insecurities. Until I am taken out at the knees. The more courageous, willful, driven and motivated, the more forehead to floor moments needed to remind me that this is where it lives. Here on the ground, in the earth, the center of life, the base, the root of all life. Not up there in the clouds where the wind blows but down here where my toes dig in and the creepy crawlies make tunnels.
I am a dreamer of the worst kind. I actually believe that my dreams will come true. What happens when dreams don’t stay dreams? Whether a dream begins to be real or you release it, the emotions are the same, fear, loss, mixed with hope, and elation. You feel the sun on your face and your forehead touches the floor often. And you let everything go over and over again. You say goodbyes. You cry. You reassess priorities. You adjust figures. You reach for something that is only a partial outline in your mind’s eye. You shape, mold and fabricate that vapor dream into something you can touch, smell, taste and see. You create new right out of thin air. This is what it is about, what you are about. What I am about, What moves us. Creation. Creating a new life, a new dream, a new reality, a new forehead to floor moment. We have come full circle, let’s begin again.
4 days until storage move. 22 days until we fly to Italy.
P.S. Sun salutation has taken on a new meaning for me. It is all about this forehead to floor…look it up.