I Thought This Bending Moment Would Never Come.

2yinyangillIt was always there and I can look back now and see that there were hints of it coming and glimpses of it like a preview to a movie. I was just focused on the frustration of feeling lost and missed the previews. How often do we do that?  Let our emotions consume us and become our reality, focus on the feeling of something and miss the something altogether. I do it a lot. But now that I am more aware of doing it…perhaps I will put emotions where they belong as a side dish to experience.  But I digress…because it is what I do!

Oh so many years ago I began a journey with massage and I spent twice as long learning it as other students because I had more work to do than just learning massage. Along that journey I fell in love with Shiatsu and energy meridians and chi and clock pairs and anything to do with Chinese medicine theory.  I learned Shiatsu along with Swedish massage and Shiatsu became my passion.  I LOVE  to give Shiatsu to people and welcome opportunities to introduce the rejuvenating energy to anyone. But something seemed missing and I did not settle in as a massage therapist as planned. I resisted setting up a practice or moving forward with massage as my career. I thought I had blocks that needed work, so I worked on myself and I healed many things that needed healing.  I went to my shadow parts and delved into them searching for the key to unlocking some kind of forward momentum.  I found Reiki and spent a little over a year taking attunements and healing myself. I became a Reiki master and had another skill to add to shiatsu massage.  Learning Reiki was a pivotal point in my growth and with this new dimension of healing came new realms of learning and vibrations. I thought then I was to focus my work on providing Reiki to people in need. But something was still missing. I still resisted moving forward with a career in Reiki. Can you imagine my frustration at not being able to figure out why I could not move forward?  It is a ‘tween place. Normally I love ‘tween places…beaches, doorways, dusk, meditation.  This ‘tween place was getting old and I felt stuck for a very long time in a place that I no longer wanted to be stuck in.

For the last two years I have been going to school to finish my bachelors degree. I decided that if I didn’t know what I wanted to do then I was going to do something that might produce some ideas of what I could do.  I basically thought I would eventually stumble across it or in the process work out any blocks I might have or something would click or shake loose or something.  I really didn’t know…it was moving forward in the dark and hoping that you didn’t trip over something on the way to the light.  People would ask me what my major was and I had no answer. I would tell them…whatever my credits will earn me.  In the mean time I took classes that I love about subjects I have always wanted to explore…poetry, drawing, mythology.  The bulk of my classes are in writing and literature and so I thought I might get an English degree and teach at some point. It was a fall back position and I knew it but having it made me feel more secure.

Until a health issue reared it’s ugly head. Without going into detail because I don’t like discussing health issues in detail…I had the medical community stumped on a health issue that began a few years ago and apparently I had the answer inside me all along.  Literally.  I got tired of listening to all the experts on MY body and began to tell them what was going on.  I began to piece things together and using Chinese theory that I had learned in massage school began to study and then I began to get a little irritated at Western medicine and how they dissect everything and every part of your body.  Chinese medicine theory is based on connections. Every thing is interconnected and all effect all.  So I began to tell my Dr’s what I know to be true for my body and the symptoms I am having. I actually got them to listen. Now I am having surgery to correct an issue that has been really disruptive in my life.  Because Western medicine is necessary in this case and both Eastern and Western can work together to heal people.

WHAT?! That is what I am passionate about. Being on the cutting edge of merging healing modalities and enabling people to trust their own wisdom about their own bodies. Bringing healing to each individual at all levels…mind, body, spirit.  Teaching connection to all and thus showing that one healthy body leads to all healthy bodies and then leads to a healthy world. This is my passion.  I finally found my career. After all this time and frustration, the immense joy of realizing it is here!  I have already begun my plan of getting my masters in Oriental medicine.  All the college classesI have been taking have given me the credits to begin at the masters level needed for Oriental medicine.  All the writing classes have prepared me for writing up research findings on the research programs I will be taking part in to further the integration of Eastern medicine with Western. The Shiatsu is a core element in Chinese medicine.  The Reiki is a fundamental understanding of energy or chi in Eastern medicine. All that I have studied and endured and experienced has brought me to this place…this bending moment.  I am at peace with myself and my world.

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